College is Miserable and So Are You!

Originally run on 31 August 2009.

College is Miserable and So Are You!

I’ve got some bad news for you: You’re screwed. You decided to go to college and it’s going to be awful. I’m not alone in this belief, either. There’s plenty of people I know who had dismal experiences in their first year of college and after a brief perusal of the internet, I’ve found that about 30% of students drop out in their first two semesters. This should be enough proof that the first year of college is probably going to be the worst one. You’ll also learn quickly that all the terrible things you tried to leave behind you will haunt you like that kid you accidentally killed on that camping trip.

Obviously certain choices are simply out of your hands (especially if you’re on the parental dole or on a scholarship or something), but being happy, or at least avoiding misery, is something that is entirely up to you. So if things start going south, you have no one to blame but yourself. Now you’re legally an adult you can’t blame others for the mess you’re in. Unless you’re some kind of a criminal genius. You’re going to Long Beach, though, so I kind of doubt it.

I do have some good news for you: Right now you can start avoiding the traps that have snared so many others.

Welcome to the Beach.

The full article can be found here at the Union Weekly!

Special thanks to our Editor in Chief Joe Bryant for insisting that there be no touch-ups to his photo. He is a man who adheres to journalistic realism. We should all have so much integrity.